How to Make Anger an Ally (Not Your Enemy)
How to Make Anger an Ally (Not Your Enemy)
As I write this, we’re only a few weeks into 2026, and the United States is in a state of continued and heightened upheaval. The news is saturated with state violence, loss of life, and the erosion of basic human rights. What’s happening in Minneapolis is not isolated - it’s part of a broader pattern unfolding across the country. Many of us are feeling this deeply, in our bodies and nervous systems, no matter where we live.
If you’re angry, of course you’re angry.
If you’re feeling shut down, numb, or frozen, that makes sense too.
Why So Many Anxious and Highly Sensitive People Struggle With Anger
Many women (myself included) were socialized to not get angry - to be polite, accommodating, and “good.” To avoid conflict. To keep the peace.
That conditioning often makes anger feel unsafe or unacceptable, especially for anxious nervous systems and highly sensitive people (HSPs). When anger does arise, it may feel overwhelming - or it may quickly disappear into numbness.
If anger is hard for you, you’re not failing. There are often real reasons for this. Maybe anger wasn’t expressed in your family. Maybe there was too much of it. Maybe it was judged, shamed, or explosive. (I wrote more about these patterns in this post.)
Anger Is a Nervous System Signal - Not a Character Flaw
Anger isn’t a flaw or something to get rid of. It’s a signal.
Anger shows us what we care about, where harm is occurring, and when boundaries have been crossed. It’s one of the essential ways the nervous system mobilizes in response to injustice or threat.
When anger can’t move or be expressed, the nervous system often shifts into shutdown instead. Numbness, fogginess, collapse, and exhaustion are common when mobilizing energy has nowhere to go.
How Political Injustice Impacts the Nervous System
The anger many people are feeling right now is grounded in reality. As communities are harmed and basic rights are violated - particularly in Minneapolis and increasingly across the country - our nervous systems are responding to real danger and moral injury. This danger is all too familiar to already marginalized folks across races, ages, genders and religions.
Even from far away, witnessing ongoing injustice can activate fear, grief, and rage. Humans are wired for connection; harm to one community reverberates through others. For HSPs, the constant exposure can be overwhelming.
Signs You May Be Shut Down Instead of Angry
What looks like “not feeling angry” is often nervous system collapse. You might notice:
Tightness in your chest
Shallow or held breath
Foggy or heavy sensations
Feeling stuck or unsure what to do
Overwhelm or exhaustion
Shutdown can feel safer or more familiar - but over time, it disconnects you from your power.
How to Rebuild a Healthier Relationship With Anger
Anger is protective and necessary. It fuels resistance, boundary-setting, and change - whether that’s collective action or speaking up in your closest relationships.
This work isn’t about being angry all the time or exploding. It’s about building a new relationship with anger - shifting it from something to suppress into something you can access intentionally.
Anger lives in the body. Thinking your way into it rarely works, especially for anxious or highly sensitive nervous systems.
A Simple Grounding Practice to Access Anger Without Overwhelm
Try this for 1–2 minutes:
Stand up if you can. Feel your feet on the floor. Gently lengthen your spine and let your body take up a bit more space, in all directions.
Add some small movements. Press your feet into the ground, roll your shoulders, sway, stretch, or take a few steps.
Introduce sound. Put on music with a steady beat or subtle momentum. Start gently if you feel frozen. You can also draw or move as you listen, if that feels helpful.
Then ask yourself softly:
What am I angry about right now? What matters to me? What’s a small action I can take right now?
You don’t need all the answers - just notice what begins to stir.
Accessing anger is a nervous system practice. With repetition and support, anger can become energizing, grounding, and oriented toward meaningful action.
Therapy Support for Anger, Anxiety, and Highly Sensitive Nervous Systems
If you feel overwhelmed by anger - or completely cut off from it - you don’t have to navigate this alone.
I work with anxious and highly sensitive women to build a safer, more grounded relationship with anger, boundaries, and self-expression. I’m based in NYC and also offer online therapy to clients across New York State.
If you’re looking for support in learning how to feel anger without shutting down or exploding, please schedule a free therapy intro call today.
About the Author
Maya is a music therapist and psychotherapist in NYC and online throughout New York State.
She specializes in helping women with anxiety, childhood/intergenerational trauma and those who are highly sensitive (HSP) learn how to express their feelings (including anger) without overwhelm, and show up with calm confidence in their work and relationships.
If you’re interested in working with Maya, you can learn more here or schedule your free therapy intro call here.
You don’t have to stay stuck - it’s time to reclaim your rhythm.